i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
