3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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