i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
