Sry I called you an 8
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize