My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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