Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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