Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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