Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
