I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
