Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
