Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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