you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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