I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
