After last night, I could never be a politician.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
