He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
