I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
