This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
