Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
