The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
