BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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