apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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