I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
