Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
