I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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