I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
