You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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