Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
