so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
