i don't like sucking hair
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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