Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
