Non-Jews are for practice
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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