Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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