I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
