I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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