dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
