So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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