No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
bring money and cleavage
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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