ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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