Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
