Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
