Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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