i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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