Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
