Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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