What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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