he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I checked into jail on foursquare
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
