I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
There r osticjed everywhere
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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