Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
