I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Everything about him screamed your future.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
