I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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