I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
