Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
