you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
