i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
