i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
