He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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