Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
