you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
