It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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