Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
