He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
