My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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