I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
