who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize