we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
