How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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