make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
