Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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