im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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