My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
