why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
