I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
