I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Randomize