Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We had sex on a dog bed..
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
