In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize