I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Can you repeat that, but with context?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
