Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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