What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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