So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize