My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
