All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
