Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize