so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Randomize
