He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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