Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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