love makes seman taste better
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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