I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
