I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize