I didn't shave. On purpose
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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