When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
either way he was missing a nipple.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
