I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
