So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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