the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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