never play flip cup with pint glasses
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
