somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
