I'm gonna have a badass scar
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
