My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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