I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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