Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize