Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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