Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
