I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
