I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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