winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She bit a glass in half.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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