you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
